It occurred to me recently that we’re constantly told, probably mainly by ourselves but also doctors and friends and family, that to have a mental illness is to have a major deficiency. Whilst on some level there’s possibly – possibly – something in that on a technical level, people who have a mental illness are the people who probably the people who least need additional negativity and stigma attached to their condition, given our proclivity to inward reflection and self-criticism.
In my case, as alluded to before, the negative reinforcement comes from myself. I should be able to go on trains and planes. I should be able to go to social gatherings and not be looking over my shoulder every five minutes. I should be in a better place in my career given my experience. Jeez, when I write it all down I realise I wouldn’t say that to anyone else. And yet I say it to myself. As far as I am thinking, I am failing at some important aspects of life or at least not meeting expectations.
It’s true, I wish the above wasn’t true. But I suppose the important thing is continuing the work and acknowledging my strengths.
And so I suppose this piece is about self-kindness. I can change those ‘shoulds’ to ‘coulds’. I can celebrate successes, be they minor to the everyday person. I can take great pride in the fact that, no matter the pace, I am gradually moving towards where I want to be.
Take the time today to remember that however hard things seem right now, you (we) have already been through tough times and come out the other side. Comparison and high expectations are potentially very damaging. Remember, those ‘normal’ people out there that we think have their lives together really don’t (despite what Social Media might tell you!). We aren’t burying our heads and pretending things are OK. We are some of the strongest people around and continue to be.
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